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Joke
Jul 15, 2007 21:52:02 GMT -5
Post by Rabbit on Jul 15, 2007 21:52:02 GMT -5
A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
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Joke
Jul 16, 2007 7:33:52 GMT -5
Post by Vable on Jul 16, 2007 7:33:52 GMT -5
I....I don't know if I should laugh or cry. :-P
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Joke
Jul 16, 2007 7:40:12 GMT -5
Post by Treat me Fancy-Pants Pavis on Jul 16, 2007 7:40:12 GMT -5
I really want to hear this joke in person. Hearing Garrett's accent would be the clincher between laughing and crying.
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Joke
Jul 16, 2007 9:11:19 GMT -5
Post by abby on Jul 16, 2007 9:11:19 GMT -5
ooof....that was awful...I think I need to go recite that to all of my co-workers.
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Joke
Jul 16, 2007 16:46:58 GMT -5
Post by Chad Manning on Jul 16, 2007 16:46:58 GMT -5
Here's another one I got in an e-mail...
Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what;
Metal,
Wood,
Stone,
Anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and the prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds.
He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess,
"Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the prince's pants?
(Scroll down for the answer)
V
V
M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand!
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Joke
Jul 24, 2007 11:05:52 GMT -5
Post by 0 on Jul 24, 2007 11:05:52 GMT -5
A priest is driving down the road when a policeman signals him to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically.
The policeman says to the priest, "You appear to have been drinking!"
The priest answers, "No sir, I am just tired."
The policeman looks into the car and notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor.
He says to the priest, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle?"
The priest answers, "Water!"
The policeman smells the bottle and says, "That's not water, it's wine!"
The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"
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Joke
Jul 24, 2007 11:12:52 GMT -5
Post by Rabbit on Jul 24, 2007 11:12:52 GMT -5
Nice one, Sol.
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Joke
Jul 25, 2007 10:49:35 GMT -5
Post by abby on Jul 25, 2007 10:49:35 GMT -5
what does the gingerbread man tuck himself in with at night?
A COOKIE SHEET!!!
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Joke
Jul 25, 2007 12:44:19 GMT -5
Post by Vable on Jul 25, 2007 12:44:19 GMT -5
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Joke
Jul 25, 2007 22:59:40 GMT -5
Post by Rabbit on Jul 25, 2007 22:59:40 GMT -5
What did the zero say to the eight? ... ... ... Nice belt.
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Joke
Jul 26, 2007 15:34:37 GMT -5
Post by 0 on Jul 26, 2007 15:34:37 GMT -5
God is sitting around the heavens leafing through travel brochures, when St. Peter strolls along. "So God, are you thinking of taking a vacation?" "Yeah, but I can't decide where to go."
"I heard Venus is nice around this time of year" "Nah, too stuffy... greenhouse effect and all"
"How about the moon? I've heard they've got some great food..." "nope... good food, but no atmosphere"
finally St. Peter suggests, "OK, how about that little blue-green job?, Earth" "Earth!", God exclaims, "I spent time with that Jewish girl a couple of thousand years back and they're *still* talking about it!"
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Joke
Jul 26, 2007 17:05:38 GMT -5
Post by Vable on Jul 26, 2007 17:05:38 GMT -5
roflol bad.
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Joke
Jul 28, 2007 14:51:15 GMT -5
Post by Mike on Jul 28, 2007 14:51:15 GMT -5
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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Joke
Jul 28, 2007 15:00:22 GMT -5
Post by Teri on Jul 28, 2007 15:00:22 GMT -5
There was a huge drug bust recently in Mexico. The narc agents piled all the marijuana up and set it on fire. The agents did not realize that the artic tern had begun its migration north, and a flock flew through the smoke caused by the burning marijuana. There was not a tern unstoned.
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Joke
Jul 28, 2007 16:22:56 GMT -5
Post by Rabbit on Jul 28, 2007 16:22:56 GMT -5
Nice one, Teri.
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